Category Archives: Choices

Choices, Healing, Story of Healing

Healing for Sexual Assault

Blessed are the Pure in Heart

I was studying the Bible in the Book of Matthew and arrived at Chapter 5 verse 8. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.”  I wanted to know how a person could really purify their heart enough to see God.

I had been listening to a teaching tape on the beatitudes when I heard the author of the teaching series direct us through a series of prayers and proclamations that would help up to get “pure in heart”. I was eager to get my heart cleaned up. I wanted to see God and live to tell about it.

One of the definitions of “pure in heart” is “unstained with the guilt of anything” This is an act of God. This is not something I can do. So, in thinking about my question at the beginning of my story, going to God to get His perspective was my action that led to Him purifying my heart and conscience.  Heb. 10:24 says “our hearts are sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”  One of the meanings of “evil” conscience is freedom from a conscience that accuses us of guilt.

Agreement with the Scriptures and Prayer

As I progressed through the prescribed list of activities, I could tell that I was making some progress and I felt a sense of relief as I confessed sins, forgave people for ancient offences and gave God control over my life. Somewhere in the process, the instuructor announced that we would be pure in heart if we had come into agreement with the scriptures and prayed. Now we should be able to “see God”.  Then he asked us when in our lifetime had we wished we could have seen Him.

Suffering from Guilt and Shame

Immediately the spring of 1982 came to mind when a stalker succeeded in luring me into a trap where he was able to kidnap me and take me to a place where he was able to brutally sexually assault me. For years I had been plagued by the resulting nightmares, fear of someone coming up behind me, and many other results of the trauma. I also suffered from guilt and shame wondering how I’d gotten myself into such a situation.

I instantly remembered the day as if it was yesterday. The perpetrator was before me, 6’2” tall, 240 pounds. He was someone I had known briefly and spoken to three or four times before. His countenance was dark and foreboding and his previous conversations with me terrified me enough to ask him not to contact me again. All the way to his destination, I prayed for an open door. I was not able to find a way out and now I saw the room I was in. I saw the window, the door, and the furniture in the room. I felt the terror all over again as I heard the man demand that I take my clothes off.

In the safety of my own home, I asked God to show me where He was then. Instantly, I saw Jesus appear in my memory and the next few minutes were all replayed in slow motion. As the man swung his hand toward my face for refusing to obey him, I saw Jesus put His hand up and absorb most of the blow. I saw the Lord’s hand vibrate from the force in that strong arm. The blow connected with my face, picking me off my feet and throwing me into a corner of the room where I landed on the floor.

The Lord turned to me, pointed to me and gave me permission to stop fighting.

All of a sudden, I knew things I didn’t know before. I had not been seriously wounded in that encounter. I had no whiplash, no bruising, no soreness on my back, shoulders or head where I’d landed. Furthermore, I knew that the Lord wanted to minimize the effect of the noise on children who were within hearing distance of where I was.

Then I saw Jesus take a chain and wrap it around this man from head to toe. While I was wondering what that was, I heard Him say, “I bind the spirit of murder.” Then He announced that He had given me eternal life and no one could snatch me out of His hand. I had been given to Him by His Father and no one was able to snatch me out of His Father’s hand. ( I found this later in John 10:28)

Not My Fault:  No More Guilt

At that point, the terror I’d felt for years disappeared. The details of the actual rape scene that followed was fast forwarded and  relegated to the place of the unimportant. Then I saw the Lord put a white sheet over me and wrap me in it. He told me it wasn’t my fault and he restored to me a sense of innocence that has lasted for more than twenty years. All the emotions from the trauma were replaced with peace and calm.

At that point, He asked me if I wanted to see this man as He saw him. I agreed. I was at the foot of the bed we’d been lying on and this huge hulk of a man shrunk before my eyes into the body of a two-year old, and with a child’s voice begged me to tell him he was loved. I felt compassion for him instead of the outrage I’d experienced before. I was able to forgive him from my heart and have prayed for his salvation since then.

The Lord then showed me that He commanded the man who intended to rape and murder me, to take me back to my own vehicle where I was able to go home. When at home, I rocked in my rocking chair for weeks and months, and Jesus let me see how He rocked with me while I recovered over the course of the next weeks and months and how  He brought people alongside of me who prayed for me and loved on me.

The perpetrator came to my home about three months later to ask for forgiveness. I talked to him through an unlocked screen door with words of forgiveness. I refused to allow him to enter. I said I was not obligated to trust him again even though I forgave him. When the guy tried to force his way into my home, he could not open the door even though it was not only unlocked, but also would regularly fly open in the wind. He tried several times while I went to my phone to dial the police. He left before I could find the number (this was before the days of 911). This too was an act of God protecting me. I never saw the fellow again and have never been threatened or molested since then.

I feel safe and secure knowing my life is in God’s hands now.

Memories are No Longer Painful

Since I received that healing, my memories are no longer painful. I sleep without nightmares and do not fear I will “get myself into trouble”, but can rely on the Lord to keep me safe. The incident was not wasted. I have been able to help many women find healing for similar situations since then.

Ask for God’s Perspective

Perhaps you have been the victim of a trauma similar to mine. If you are still alive, it is because God intervened to some measure. He is not mean because He “let it happen”. If you are angry at God because of what man has done to you, may I suggest that you can ask Him to give you His perspective. Misplaced anger can keep you from receiving the healing you need.

By the time I received my healing, I did not blame God for what one man did to me. I was in fact very thankful to Him for intervening. There is more to the story, but that is enough this time.

Bible Stories, Choices, Stories

A Biblical Account of Transforming Truth

New Information Can Bring Healing

Here is one of the Bible accounts that I think illustrate the principle of how God can heal with new information. The story is found in the Bible in the Book of Daniel, Chapter 3. It’s a familiar story for those who grew up going to Sunday School: the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I would encourage you to read it again in your own favourite translation.

In this story a king named Nebuchadnezzar ruled over Babylon. He was, an arrogant cruel tyrant who held all of his subjects’ lives in the palm of his hand. In this particular story, he set up a giant golden image to be worshipped. To make sure he was obeyed, he announced that anyone who didn’t fall down and worship the image would be thrown into a fiery furnace.

King Nebuchadnezzar heard that three of his leaders, namely Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, refused to worship the golden image. The king was in a furious rage and ordered the furnace heated seven times more than usual before he had the three men thrown into the fire. Would you agree that Nebuchadnezzar was emotionally upset? That sounds like an enormous understatement.

Our Beliefs Impact Our Emotions

Why do you suppose he reacted so violently? May I suggest that his fury and rage were based on his beliefs:

He was absolutely always right

He had the right to expect and demand complete and unquestioning obedience because he was the king and like a god

Perhaps he was also very much afraid of allowing any other opinion or practice lest he appear weak before men which could cost him his own life

If you skip the middle of the story and jump straight to Chapter 3 verse 30, you might scratch your head and wonder, “What on earth made him change from vengeful rage to promoting them in the province of Babylon? What would calm a fury and lead to an endorsement?”

The answer is found in verses 24-27. Nebuchadnezzar was astonished when he saw four men walking in the midst of the fire unharmed and the form of the fourth one is like the Son of God or the son of the gods. When he called the three Hebrew men out of the fire, they were not singed nor did they even smell like smoke.

Truth Can Set Us Free and Change Our Attitudes

Nebuchadnezzar had a complete emotional transformation that day. Interestingly enough there is no evidence that anyone else saw the fourth person in the furnace. Not even Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego mentioned seeing him or talking to him. It may have been for the king’s eyes only. But none the less, the truth set him free from whatever he believed enough to completely change his attitude towards the Hebrew servants and their God.

I believe that God can grant you freedom the same way by showing you things that you could never see without His help. Because God is not limited to time, He can appear anytime and act in ways you could not have imagined on your own. In the next post, I will share with you how He showed up in one of my own most difficult circumstances.

 

Choices

What is Truth?

These were the famous spoken words of Pontius Pilate just before he gave consent to have Jesus crucified. It’s a good question. One that many people ask today.  What is truth? I found that truth is not just some statement of fact, but also a person.

Can a person really be the embodiment of truth? In the Bible, Jesus said to Pontius Pilate “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, but through me.” (NIV version, emphasis added.) When I read that, it explained why sometimes when I was remembering a painful memory, when I would ask for the whole truth in the matter, I would see Jesus helping me, giving me insights, or protecting me from more harm than I actually received.

I’ll give you an example:

When I was in my first year of grade school, I was very nervous and uncertain. All through my school years, with the exception of grade 11, I was a C average student and I thought I was dumb. There were three or four students who had failed that grade and were repeating the year with us. One day, as an adult, when I was really struggling to learn something, that feeling of being dumb and fear of failure overtook me and all I wanted to do was quit and forget all about this idea of ever learning something new. I stopped what I was doing and took stock of my feelings. My stomach was in knots, my shoulders were very heavy as if I was carrying 30 extra pounds on them wrapped around my neck and choking me. I sought the source of these feelings, looking into my past to where they all began and I landed in my seat in the classroom of my first year in a one room school house in my home town.

Now I know that memories are not always accurate for details, but they are more like a composite of how we perceived the event. In my case, I was sitting in my desk believing I would never learn anything here and I would never measure up. The teacher rewarded the fast learners with toys to play with while us slowpokes would labour to catch up. I never got a toy during the whole year. I really believed that was because I was slow, not too bright and useless.

When I asked for the truth, I “saw” Jesus show up in my memory, squat beside the desk and give me a toy to play with. He assured me that speed of learning was not related to intelligence and that intelligence was not related to value or worth. He opened a book before me and showed me pictures of animals that have been created, each one with its own measure of intelligence and speed and yet every one of them was a valuable member of the world and would be greatly missed if it was extinguished from the earth.

Then Jesus kissed me on the forehead leaving a mark on me and assured me that I would grow up and bless a lot of people if I don’t give up. Peace washed over me. Joy trickled in where defeat had been, and in just a few minutes I was back to work with renewed energy to learn what I needed to learn. My learning power is still not super fast, but I am less easily discouraged than before.

Choices

Everybody Gets Hurt Sometimes

That’s right, honey. Everybody gets hurt sometime. There is no free and easy ride for anyone. We live in a fallen world, some say. We get to choose how we will deal with those bad days, weeks or years.

Hi there,

My name is Muriel Rae. I’ve had my share of bad days, just like you. I used to be a victim, and I grew very unhappy. I whined, cried, begged, ranted and raged for life to be different and grew angry and depressed. I put on fake smiles at all the right times but never left my sad state of mind. I felt helpless.

One day I got tired of my life as it was. I thought I’d done all I could to be the best person I could be and had been rejected for my effort. I wanted my life to be different. I wanted a change. This blog is a record of my story. Some changes took a long time, some happened in an instant. I’m still on the journey.

I am sharing this with you because maybe, like me, you want a change. It all starts with one simple decision and then another and another. We all get to choose. It is the one single talent everyone has. The ability to make choices.

It is my hope that you will learn from my story. Perhaps you can make your life different.

 

My life is radically different today than it was when I made my first big decision. It is full of joy and blessing. It’s not perfect of course (who’s life is?). But it is a whole lot better than it was because I chose to embark on a healing journey. It’s been a wild ride at times. But, oh how glad I chose to go this way. Join me if you like. You get to choose.