Category Archives: Story of Healing

Choices, Healing, Story of Healing

Healing for Sexual Assault

Blessed are the Pure in Heart

I was studying the Bible in the Book of Matthew and arrived at Chapter 5 verse 8. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.”  I wanted to know how a person could really purify their heart enough to see God.

I had been listening to a teaching tape on the beatitudes when I heard the author of the teaching series direct us through a series of prayers and proclamations that would help up to get “pure in heart”. I was eager to get my heart cleaned up. I wanted to see God and live to tell about it.

One of the definitions of “pure in heart” is “unstained with the guilt of anything” This is an act of God. This is not something I can do. So, in thinking about my question at the beginning of my story, going to God to get His perspective was my action that led to Him purifying my heart and conscience.  Heb. 10:24 says “our hearts are sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.”  One of the meanings of “evil” conscience is freedom from a conscience that accuses us of guilt.

Agreement with the Scriptures and Prayer

As I progressed through the prescribed list of activities, I could tell that I was making some progress and I felt a sense of relief as I confessed sins, forgave people for ancient offences and gave God control over my life. Somewhere in the process, the instuructor announced that we would be pure in heart if we had come into agreement with the scriptures and prayed. Now we should be able to “see God”.  Then he asked us when in our lifetime had we wished we could have seen Him.

Suffering from Guilt and Shame

Immediately the spring of 1982 came to mind when a stalker succeeded in luring me into a trap where he was able to kidnap me and take me to a place where he was able to brutally sexually assault me. For years I had been plagued by the resulting nightmares, fear of someone coming up behind me, and many other results of the trauma. I also suffered from guilt and shame wondering how I’d gotten myself into such a situation.

I instantly remembered the day as if it was yesterday. The perpetrator was before me, 6’2” tall, 240 pounds. He was someone I had known briefly and spoken to three or four times before. His countenance was dark and foreboding and his previous conversations with me terrified me enough to ask him not to contact me again. All the way to his destination, I prayed for an open door. I was not able to find a way out and now I saw the room I was in. I saw the window, the door, and the furniture in the room. I felt the terror all over again as I heard the man demand that I take my clothes off.

In the safety of my own home, I asked God to show me where He was then. Instantly, I saw Jesus appear in my memory and the next few minutes were all replayed in slow motion. As the man swung his hand toward my face for refusing to obey him, I saw Jesus put His hand up and absorb most of the blow. I saw the Lord’s hand vibrate from the force in that strong arm. The blow connected with my face, picking me off my feet and throwing me into a corner of the room where I landed on the floor.

The Lord turned to me, pointed to me and gave me permission to stop fighting.

All of a sudden, I knew things I didn’t know before. I had not been seriously wounded in that encounter. I had no whiplash, no bruising, no soreness on my back, shoulders or head where I’d landed. Furthermore, I knew that the Lord wanted to minimize the effect of the noise on children who were within hearing distance of where I was.

Then I saw Jesus take a chain and wrap it around this man from head to toe. While I was wondering what that was, I heard Him say, “I bind the spirit of murder.” Then He announced that He had given me eternal life and no one could snatch me out of His hand. I had been given to Him by His Father and no one was able to snatch me out of His Father’s hand. ( I found this later in John 10:28)

Not My Fault:  No More Guilt

At that point, the terror I’d felt for years disappeared. The details of the actual rape scene that followed was fast forwarded and  relegated to the place of the unimportant. Then I saw the Lord put a white sheet over me and wrap me in it. He told me it wasn’t my fault and he restored to me a sense of innocence that has lasted for more than twenty years. All the emotions from the trauma were replaced with peace and calm.

At that point, He asked me if I wanted to see this man as He saw him. I agreed. I was at the foot of the bed we’d been lying on and this huge hulk of a man shrunk before my eyes into the body of a two-year old, and with a child’s voice begged me to tell him he was loved. I felt compassion for him instead of the outrage I’d experienced before. I was able to forgive him from my heart and have prayed for his salvation since then.

The Lord then showed me that He commanded the man who intended to rape and murder me, to take me back to my own vehicle where I was able to go home. When at home, I rocked in my rocking chair for weeks and months, and Jesus let me see how He rocked with me while I recovered over the course of the next weeks and months and how  He brought people alongside of me who prayed for me and loved on me.

The perpetrator came to my home about three months later to ask for forgiveness. I talked to him through an unlocked screen door with words of forgiveness. I refused to allow him to enter. I said I was not obligated to trust him again even though I forgave him. When the guy tried to force his way into my home, he could not open the door even though it was not only unlocked, but also would regularly fly open in the wind. He tried several times while I went to my phone to dial the police. He left before I could find the number (this was before the days of 911). This too was an act of God protecting me. I never saw the fellow again and have never been threatened or molested since then.

I feel safe and secure knowing my life is in God’s hands now.

Memories are No Longer Painful

Since I received that healing, my memories are no longer painful. I sleep without nightmares and do not fear I will “get myself into trouble”, but can rely on the Lord to keep me safe. The incident was not wasted. I have been able to help many women find healing for similar situations since then.

Ask for God’s Perspective

Perhaps you have been the victim of a trauma similar to mine. If you are still alive, it is because God intervened to some measure. He is not mean because He “let it happen”. If you are angry at God because of what man has done to you, may I suggest that you can ask Him to give you His perspective. Misplaced anger can keep you from receiving the healing you need.

By the time I received my healing, I did not blame God for what one man did to me. I was in fact very thankful to Him for intervening. There is more to the story, but that is enough this time.

Healing, Story of Healing

The Natural Resistance to Healing

 The Natural  Resistance to Healing

There is a natural resistance to healing. It’s hard for some of us to believe we need any.  After all, our lives seem to have an order about them. We have control over our own affairs quite well, thank you. To suggest that we need healing is rather ridiculous after all.

That reminds me of a story. One time, I was a part of a group mentorship class. I had taken the training to learn one method of healing prayer which seemed to work quite a bit better than some of my other courses I’d taken. Furthermore, I had been accepted on a healing prayer team where I could be an apprentice. That was really helpful to me since I was paired up with an experienced prayer team member each week and could practice the method I’d learned and get helpful suggestions. The cool thing was that the Truth would always show up even when I had no clue if I was doing things properly and the recipients of prayer would get great breakthroughs in spite of me. At the end of each evening I was fine tuned by my mentors. If I really got stuck, the more experienced prayer partner could take over the session.

One of our leaders found me to be particularly irritating. At first I was confused about it and in due season, I began to see that how I talked and laughed was very disturbing to him. Seeing him disturbed, disturbed me so I went to one of the other leaders for the healing I needed so that I wouldn’t be so disturbing to him. As a member of the team, I was always able to get prayer for my own stuff since it was built into the program as each member of the team was required to have at least 10 healing sessions per year. Sure enough, I found my need to please others had been a dominating force in my life. I found the source of the problem and the truth set me free. I experienced the peace that follows a good prayer session.

The next week I met the leader who found me so irritating. The interesting thing was that although he was still irritated by me, I was no longer disturbed by his behaviour or his remarks about how much I talked.

I decided to talk to him about the situation. I told him that I noticed his annoyance towards me and he agreed that he found me to be grating on his nerves. I told him about my prayer session and the success I’d had and the peace I was now enjoying. I asked him, “Is it possible that the source of your irritation is an area you need healing in? Perhaps it’s not actually me who is the problem, but the pain my personality or mannerisms triggers in you.”

He seemed taken aback at the mere suggestion. He seemed quite agitated but agreed to explore the possibility with his own prayer partner since no one else on the team seemed bothered by me. The following week he returned to me to let me know that I was indeed correct. The trigger had been dispelled and we became friends for many years after that.

The moral of the story: Don’t be too quick to believe that you don’t need healing. You might just find yourself held hostage to the words, actions or mannerisms of others. And that would be a shame.